Discipline Please

Let me start by saying I am a firm believer in disciplining children when they act inappropriately. I don't, however, believe in spanking or hitting children. I'm not saying that no parent should spank their children, I guess that would depend on the individual child and their parent, however I am saying that I personally do not practice that form of discipline. The reason for me is very simple...I don't believe it works. Not only do I not believe it works, I also believe it does more harm than good.

What are we really teaching our children when we spank them ? In some people's minds, we are teaching them that negative actions have negative consequences. Others believe in the old saying, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." And what about those parents who say, "I was beat, spanked, or whooped as a child and I turned out fine." In all actuality I was "whooped" as a child when I got out of line, but that's what parents did thirty and forty years ago. They did not have access to in depth studies and educational seminars on the best method to punish children. They did what they knew to do and I cannot and do not fault them for that. However, times change. People change. Children definitely change. What worked then no longer works for most children today. In fact, children's minds are so much more developed than ours were at their age that they perceive this type of discipline differently than we did. We took it as a way of life...what happens when you get out of line. They see it as a bigger person hitting on a small person, an out of control mom and dad, or intimidation to get them to act the way you want them to.

Personally speaking, I do not want my children to grow up and remember me as a mom who intimidated them into doing the right thing. I don't want them to be afraid of me, I just want them to respect me enough to obey my rules. I don't want them to ever be afraid of opening up to me or talking to me about what's on their minds. Keeping an open line of communication is very important in maintaining a positive relationship with your children. How could I expect them to want to open up or share their thoughts when they have the fear of angering me into another spanking ?

By no means am I saying I have the secret weapon or mysterious answer to one of life's oldest questions, "What's the best way to discipline children"...however there has got to be a better way ! Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to let them run all over you and disrespect you. By no means am I saying that you don't have the right to raise your kids the way you want to either. I agree that ALL children need some type of discipline. But what type of discipline works best ? to tell you the truth, I have tried spanking before, taking away priviledges, no dessert, and even time outs. The one method that I found to work relatively well is "1-2-3 Magic". My husband and I attended a workshop on this method and were skeptical at first but found it to truly work. The key is, you have to be consistent...but that's with anything you do. The basic concept behind the "1-2-3 Magic" process, is to identify when your child is exhibiting inappropriate behavior and give them 3 chances to rectify it. After the third inappropriate behavior, you send them to time or to their room for a specific length of time. The time averages out to be about one minute for each year of age the child is. For example, a two year old would sit in time out for two minutes, and a 12 year old would stay in their room for twelve minutes. No telephone, talking, watching television, listening to IPOD, playing games, etc. are allowed during this time out period. Once the time has elapsed, you allow the child to come out of time out and proceed with some activity. You don't (and this was really hard for me) mention or lecture them about what they did. You let it go and move on to something else.

In all honesty, when we tried this method it worked well. So well, that I forgot all about it until today. I took the children to have their eyes checked this morning, and the baby boy to the pediatrician this afternoon. In both offices, I could have crawled under the table and hid because my children behaved so badly. I was so mad at them for that, but I should have been mad at myself. I was the one who got laxed on following through with the new discipline process, so I should be the one sitting in time out right now. Dusting the dust off of the brochures and paperwork regarding "1-2-3 Magic", I read and read and read until I couldn't read anymore. Determined to turn my children into perfect little angels, I begin my journey again on creating well behaved children.

Note: The opinions in this blog are solely those of the author. Please do not write me stating the reasons why you spank your children because as I said above, I am not trying to tell anyone how to raise thir children. If anyone has any tips or articles on how to train your children into behaving right, please let me know. I look forward to hearing your remarks.

Toni

by bizybee06

Potty Training

As you know, I have been working on potty training my two year old son. Well I am happy to report that all is going very well on the homefront. He isn't completely trained yet, however he does use the bathroom when you take him to it and will even sometimes tell you "Potty" when he needs to go. However, he also says "Potty" after he has already had an accident in his pull up too. I just wish I knew in advance that he would use the big boy potty and not even sit on the portable potty before I bought it. That was $35 down the drain. Oh well, you can't win them all.