That Awkward Age

Until a few years ago, I had no idea that there was a label for the awkward pre-teen age group of 9 - 12 year olds. Now that I can put a name to the three or four years children experience before puberty, I can proudly say that I have successfully raised three daughters through the tween stage. Before you clap me on the back, also know that as the mother of six, I currently have another daughter just starting the tween years, and will have two more children starting that phase in a couple of years. What was I thinking?

The tween years begins at the age of nine. Children of this age start to develop into their own person with their own thoughts, their own ideas, their own opinions, and their own moral concepts. They still look to their parents for support and guidance, but they also start to feel that they are more knowledgeable than they are. Sassiness is a common trait shared by the majority of tweens. This is not always because they are deliberately trying to upset their elders, but sometimes it is because they are subconsciously testing boundaries. One word of advice here, nip it in the bud. Don’t laugh and think it is cute when your kid rebuttals your instructions for doing so is setting yourself up for a long, hard next three years. Be firm with your decisions and by all means, Mean What You Say. Now is not the time for bending, giving in, or feelings of nostalgia. Although they may appear otherwise, these young people are in desperate need of a good foundation and some tough love.

If you are like me, you will be amazed at how mature your daughter looks at this age. My nine year old has the grace of a swan, the intellect of a scholar, and the body of a 15 year old. I have just begun more in depth conversations regarding boys and some of the questions she asks are startling. I hide my surprise because I do not want her to ever feel like she cannot come and talk to me. This is the one area where being your child’s friend as well as their parent will gain your much more sleep at night and much less heartache. Be honest with them and always open your door and your heart to whatever they wish to discuss.

I hear many people speak on role models and the responsibility they have in setting a good example for our youth. While this is somewhat true, I do not believe that being considered a role model is an automatic privilege to entertainers. This is especially true when the entertainer does not want to be considered a role model. The best role model a tween can have is their own parents, family members, or persons the parents have placed in their lives. First and foremost, I am and always have been all of my daughter’s most prominent role model. I take pride in this fact and do not take the responsibility that goes along with this prestigious title lightly. I recognize that my every action and every spoken word is monitored closely and more than likely will be repeated sooner than later. For this reason, I keep my appearance up, always strive to do my best, exhibit kindness to others, and continuously try to improve upon my education and skillset. The tween years is most definitely NOT a time for a parent to have the attitude, “Do as I say, and not as I do”.

Handled correctly, both you and your 13 year old will survive the tween years with no scrapes, no bruises, and no jail time. Remember to keep an open mind, be patient, and to always have your door open to them and your relationship as the best mom or dad in the world will be sealed forever.

That Awkward Age

Until a few years ago, I had no idea that there was a label for the awkward pre-teen age group of 9 - 12 year olds. Now that I can put a name to the three or four years children experience before puberty, I can proudly say that I have successfully raised three daughters through the tween stage. Before you clap me on the back, also know that as the mother of six, I currently have another daughter just starting the tween years, and will have two more children starting that phase in a couple of years. What was I thinking?

The tween years begins at the age of nine. Children of this age start to develop into their own person with their own thoughts, their own ideas, their own opinions, and their own moral concepts. They still look to their parents for support and guidance, but they also start to feel that they are more knowledgeable than they are. Sassiness is a common trait shared by the majority of tweens. This is not always because they are deliberately trying to upset their elders, but sometimes it is because they are subconsciously testing boundaries. One word of advice here, nip it in the bud. Don’t laugh and think it is cute when your kid rebuttals your instructions for doing so is setting yourself up for a long, hard next three years. Be firm with your decisions and by all means, Mean What You Say. Now is not the time for bending, giving in, or feelings of nostalgia. Although they may appear otherwise, these young people are in desperate need of a good foundation and some tough love.

If you are like me, you will be amazed at how mature your daughter looks at this age. My nine year old has the grace of a swan, the intellect of a scholar, and the body of a 15 year old. I have just begun more in depth conversations regarding boys and some of the questions she asks are startling. I hide my surprise because I do not want her to ever feel like she cannot come and talk to me. This is the one area where being your child’s friend as well as their parent will gain your much more sleep at night and much less heartache. Be honest with them and always open your door and your heart to whatever they wish to discuss.

I hear many people speak on role models and the responsibility they have in setting a good example for our youth. While this is somewhat true, I do not believe that being considered a role model is an automatic privilege to entertainers. This is especially true when the entertainer does not want to be considered a role model. The best role model a tween can have is their own parents, family members, or persons the parents have placed in their lives. First and foremost, I am and always have been all of my daughter’s most prominent role model. I take pride in this fact and do not take the responsibility that goes along with this prestigious title lightly. I recognize that my every action and every spoken word is monitored closely and more than likely will be repeated sooner than later. For this reason, I keep my appearance up, always strive to do my best, exhibit kindness to others, and continuously try to improve upon my education and skillset. The tween years is most definitely NOT a time for a parent to have the attitude, “Do as I say, and not as I do”.

Handled correctly, both you and your 13 year old will survive the tween years with no scrapes, no bruises, and no jail time. Remember to keep an open mind, be patient, and to always have your door open to them and your relationship as the best mom or dad in the world will be sealed forever.

Plastic Surgery Debate (My opinion)

In the news recently, there has been much debate over the use of plastic surgery. This very popular means of transforming one’s body has been around for decades. As facelifts and breast implants increase in popularity, so does the news coverage of plastic surgery deaths. The most recent accidental death of rap superstar Kanye West’s mother is shedding even further light on this dangerous method of seeking perfection. Rumor mills contend that this was not her first time having plastic surgery, and that she was fully aware of the risks. Even more surprising is the fact that the surgeon who performed the fatal surgery on Mrs. West was endorsed on the Oprah Winfrey show. Most people would assume that because he appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show, there was no chance of anything going wrong. What most people do not realize is that having any type of plastic surgery is risky. The risks involved range from simple scarring that can eventually be corrected, to death. In spite of these risks, hundreds of people still go under the knife daily in an effort to become more beautiful. Vanity. We are all guilty of being vain in one way or the other. Each one of us has at least one thing about ourselves that we would have changed if we could. I, for example, would have a tummy tuck, liposuction, a breast lift, and a nose job…plus a little Botox if I could afford it. Despite the risks, the recent deaths, and despite what other people might say, I would absolutely have plastic surgery (in numerous places) if I had the money. Some may say this is the lazy way out or that people should just grow old gracefully. I agree with that statement, however I strongly feel that it is an individual choice and nobody’s business. If it makes a person feel better about themselves, gives them self-confidence, and helps them to achieve happiness, noone has the right to stand in judgment of them.

Shopping Mall Warning for Ladies

There is a dangerous scam happening in the malls this Christmas season, and wanted all of you to be aware and careful....

The way the scam works is, a man slips into the women's rest-room and sneaks into a stall. He waits until there is only one woman in the rest-room in a neighboring stall. Th e criminal then stands on the toilet and points a hand gun into the next stall, demanding the woman's valuables. After getting her cash and jewelry, he deman ds tha t she remove all of her clothing and kick them out of the stall. The thief tosses the clothing into a shopping bag, hangs an out of order sign on the rest-room door, and slips back into the mall. The out of order sign ensures no one will soon come to the woman's rescue. It usually takes an hour or two for the woman to work up the nerve to leave the rest-room in the nude, giving the criminal ample time to make his get away. The woman is left naked and humiliated in a mall full of strangers. The best defense, says police, is to never go into a shopping mall rest-room alone, as only women who are by themselves are targeted. PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!! This has so far been a nearly perfect crime, as none of the perpetrators have been caught.

Don't let this happen to you.
please tell your friends.

Top Ten Biggest Parenting Mistakes

Top 10 Biggest Parenting Mistakes

As the mom to three small children and three adult children, I think I pretty much have this topic covered. If there are any mistakes to be made with parenting children properly, I have probably made at least 95% of them. Not intentionally of course, but I would be lying if I said I never made the same mistake twice. Truth is, I have more than likely made the same mistakes or same type of mistakes at least three or more times…per child. By my calculations, that is at least 19,752 mistakes. Of course, there are some mistakes that I consider minor, and some mistakes I consider major—or as my six year old would say, “Gigantious”. But in my opinion, there are some of the biggest parenting mistakes I have made over the years:

1. When changing a baby boy’s diaper, never lay him on your bed unless you are ready to wash some sheets. I can’t tell you how many times I have made that mistake and spent hours laundering clothing and sheets.

2. Don’t allow children under 10 to have their own phone in their room unless you want the police at your do or every week…especially when you live right next door to the police station. One week the police were at my door literally every other day until finally they told me to get my kids to stop with the 911 calls or I would be fined. After that threat I unplugged the phone in my kid’s room and hid it.

3. Don’t allow your child who is allergic to peanut butter eat any cookies that you don’t bake yourself or are absolutely positive has no type of nuts in it. On our way home from a summer vacation, we stopped at a hotel to use the restrooms. The hotel had little, delicious looking cookies on a plate near the front desk. The hotel clerks invited my children to eat and take one cookie a piece with them. They told us that they were just oatmeal raisin cookies. We got about 30 miles down the highway when I looked at my six year old in the mirror. Her face was swollen with her eyes almost completely shut. Seconds after I noticed that, she began to throw up violently in the backseat. We pulled over to the next gas station and cleaned her and the car up. Upon looking at the half-eaten cookie in the seat, I realized that those delicious oatmeal raisin cookies also contained a secret ingredient nobody told us about…walnuts! I spent the next hour at a gas station cleaning out the backseat and trying to locate clean clothes in the suitcases.

4. Do not try to live your life through your child. There is nothing sadder than a mom trying to force her stage frightened daughter to perform a sing and dance routine for the Little Miss Pageant. There is nothing wrong with having your child try out a variety of different activities to see which one they are good at or gravitate towards, but that is not the same thing as forcing them to take ballet, play soccer, enter into beauty pageants, etc. just because you wish you could have when you were growing up.

5. Do not try to pick their friends for them. It is a law of nature that the minute you say you do not like this friend or that boy or that girl, they will become their best friend. I don’t know why, but the people we do NOT like seem to be a big green flag to them to Love them.
6. Do not compare your children…at least not in front of them. Nothing can damage a child’s self-esteem more than to hear you compare their brains, looks, sports abilities, etc. to their sibling. Each child is different. Each child is a separate individual with their own personality, their own dislikes and likes, and their own strengths and weaknesses. Help them to bring out their strengths instead of focusing on their weaknesses.

7. Your son or daughter is NOT your friend. They are not on your same level, so stop trying to be their friend. They don’t need another friend, they need a parent to guide them and help mold them. How can they take you seriously as their parent if you are crying on their shoulder and giving in to them all the time? Be a parent, not a friend.

8. Trust is one thing, stupidity is another. Why would you allow your 13 year old to spend the night with her best friend who also just happens to be the sister of this guy she has a major crush on. Use your head, what would you do if you were her and given that opportunity?

9. Stick to your guns. Do not make rules only to break them or allow them to be broken. Kids need boundaries. They need rules and structure. They are not going to follow your rules if you keep allowing them to wiggle their way out of the punishment. They are smarter than you think and they know a sap when they see one.

10. This is the biggest one----Have fun with your kids. Don’t take everything so seriously. Yes, you have to set rules, yes you have to be the bad guy sometimes, but that does not mean you can’t have fun with them. You need to find the right balance. They need to be able to open up to you and not be afraid. Insist they respect you, but make sure they are not afraid of you!

bizybee06