Discipline Please

Let me start by saying I am a firm believer in disciplining children when they act inappropriately. I don't, however, believe in spanking or hitting children. I'm not saying that no parent should spank their children, I guess that would depend on the individual child and their parent, however I am saying that I personally do not practice that form of discipline. The reason for me is very simple...I don't believe it works. Not only do I not believe it works, I also believe it does more harm than good.

What are we really teaching our children when we spank them ? In some people's minds, we are teaching them that negative actions have negative consequences. Others believe in the old saying, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." And what about those parents who say, "I was beat, spanked, or whooped as a child and I turned out fine." In all actuality I was "whooped" as a child when I got out of line, but that's what parents did thirty and forty years ago. They did not have access to in depth studies and educational seminars on the best method to punish children. They did what they knew to do and I cannot and do not fault them for that. However, times change. People change. Children definitely change. What worked then no longer works for most children today. In fact, children's minds are so much more developed than ours were at their age that they perceive this type of discipline differently than we did. We took it as a way of life...what happens when you get out of line. They see it as a bigger person hitting on a small person, an out of control mom and dad, or intimidation to get them to act the way you want them to.

Personally speaking, I do not want my children to grow up and remember me as a mom who intimidated them into doing the right thing. I don't want them to be afraid of me, I just want them to respect me enough to obey my rules. I don't want them to ever be afraid of opening up to me or talking to me about what's on their minds. Keeping an open line of communication is very important in maintaining a positive relationship with your children. How could I expect them to want to open up or share their thoughts when they have the fear of angering me into another spanking ?

By no means am I saying I have the secret weapon or mysterious answer to one of life's oldest questions, "What's the best way to discipline children"...however there has got to be a better way ! Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to let them run all over you and disrespect you. By no means am I saying that you don't have the right to raise your kids the way you want to either. I agree that ALL children need some type of discipline. But what type of discipline works best ? to tell you the truth, I have tried spanking before, taking away priviledges, no dessert, and even time outs. The one method that I found to work relatively well is "1-2-3 Magic". My husband and I attended a workshop on this method and were skeptical at first but found it to truly work. The key is, you have to be consistent...but that's with anything you do. The basic concept behind the "1-2-3 Magic" process, is to identify when your child is exhibiting inappropriate behavior and give them 3 chances to rectify it. After the third inappropriate behavior, you send them to time or to their room for a specific length of time. The time averages out to be about one minute for each year of age the child is. For example, a two year old would sit in time out for two minutes, and a 12 year old would stay in their room for twelve minutes. No telephone, talking, watching television, listening to IPOD, playing games, etc. are allowed during this time out period. Once the time has elapsed, you allow the child to come out of time out and proceed with some activity. You don't (and this was really hard for me) mention or lecture them about what they did. You let it go and move on to something else.

In all honesty, when we tried this method it worked well. So well, that I forgot all about it until today. I took the children to have their eyes checked this morning, and the baby boy to the pediatrician this afternoon. In both offices, I could have crawled under the table and hid because my children behaved so badly. I was so mad at them for that, but I should have been mad at myself. I was the one who got laxed on following through with the new discipline process, so I should be the one sitting in time out right now. Dusting the dust off of the brochures and paperwork regarding "1-2-3 Magic", I read and read and read until I couldn't read anymore. Determined to turn my children into perfect little angels, I begin my journey again on creating well behaved children.

Note: The opinions in this blog are solely those of the author. Please do not write me stating the reasons why you spank your children because as I said above, I am not trying to tell anyone how to raise thir children. If anyone has any tips or articles on how to train your children into behaving right, please let me know. I look forward to hearing your remarks.

Toni

by bizybee06

Potty Training

As you know, I have been working on potty training my two year old son. Well I am happy to report that all is going very well on the homefront. He isn't completely trained yet, however he does use the bathroom when you take him to it and will even sometimes tell you "Potty" when he needs to go. However, he also says "Potty" after he has already had an accident in his pull up too. I just wish I knew in advance that he would use the big boy potty and not even sit on the portable potty before I bought it. That was $35 down the drain. Oh well, you can't win them all.

When People Just Pop Over

I love to have company. I don't have many friends as we relocated here from Atlanta a few years ago, but I do desire to have lots of friends. Growing up as a child, my family moved around a lot because my father was pursuiing an acting career. Because of that, I was always the new kid in class and so never really learned how to make and keep friends. It's not that I didn't want any friends, but I just got to the point where it broke my heart to make a new best friend and then have to leave them a year or so later that I just gave up trying. The smart girl and new girl is usually not the most popular girl. I also had (and still have) large eyes so the kids always teased me about my eyes. I say that to say, now I truly do appreciate friendships and enjoy meeting people. What throws me off is when people just pop over out of the blue.

It really wouldn't matter to me except that for some reason, my house is ALWAYS a total disaster area when people just pop over. I spend the entire 15 or 20 minutes they are there apologizing for the mess. Then I stay up half the night worrying over whether or not they will consider me a slob or dirt bag for having such a dirty house. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't look like a pig stye, and my home is usually clean, but I do have three small children....well, four if you count my husband. I get absolutely NO help with the housework and juggle a full time career (even though it is work from home) with running a V.A business (which is sort of on hold right now), with all of the cooking, cleaning, kids extracurricular activities, etc. There just is not enough hours in the day to do it all, so unfortunately something each day must get pushed to the back.

Yes, I plan on hiring a housekeeper to help out at least twice a month, but they are so darn expensive! I am a penny pincher so everytime I think about the hundred plus dollars I would have to pay them twice a month or so makes me gag. Of course, the alternative is to continue to dig myself into a grave by trying to continue doing it all. NOT ! In a perfect world, I see myself not cringing everytime the doorbell rings and glancing around to see what I can through out of sight. In a perfect world my house would smell like Pine Sol and fresh flowers every single day. In a perfect world my kids would pick up after themselves and not throw their book bags and shoes and sweaters/jackets wherever they take them off at. Yes, I have taught them better but it is a never ending battle. I fuss and complain but to no avail. Calgon take me awayyyyy!!!

Girl Scout Camping Trip versus Ballet Recital

There is a big controversy going on in my home. Tomorrow is my eight year old's camping trip with her Girl Scout troop. Unfortunately it is also her mandatory dress rehearsal for her dance recital. Did I say, Mandatory!! Needless to say, even after months of practice and hard work, Taylie wants to go on the camping trip. I've explained the importance of not letting people down who depend on you, responsibility, etc. etc. etc...she is not budging. She wants to ditch the dance recital and go on the trip.

My husband and I both hate to burst her bubble. She is an honor student, all E's...a great kid and a very good dancer. But...as parents, we have to make the right decision for her as it seems that she just is not old enough to decide at this point which decision is best for her. I explain to her that we can take her to the Great Wolf Lodge next month as a family, but that there will only be one dance recital for her as a Ballet I performer. She sheds her tears, pouts, and complains. But in the end, I think she understands. She is getting an early lesson on life, its disappointments, its challenges, and some of the hard decisions that we sometimes have to make.

Potty Training

As I prepare to potty train my two year old son, I scoured the internet for some much needed advice. Here is one of the better articles I ran across for some advice and tips...

Toilet Training Tips

Are you ready to toilet train your child? Before you start, make sure that everything is relatively calm in you’re his or her life. If you're moving, having another baby or starting your child in a new school, put off the process until things have stabilized. (I can attest to this. My four year old daughter at the time reverted from potty trained to back into diapers when I became pregnant with my son.) If you add potty training to a list of upheavals in your child's life, the experience may be forever linked in your child's mind with a sense of being out of control and unsure rather than with confident, happy feelings. As a parent, your number one job in toilet training is to avoid feeling pressured to train your child ASAP. Even if you have time limitations or caregiver considerations, resist the pressure. Your anxiety about toilet training can create anxiety in your child. Toilet training is not a competition. Your role is to encourage your child by fostering independence, and to allow your child to master each step at a reasonable pace. You must be prepared to devote some of your own time and emotional energy to providing direction, motivation and reinforcement on a daily basis. If the preschool you've been checking out won't take children until they're toilet trained, for instance, then you may just have to find another preschool. It's that important to let your child go a pace that's comfortable.

Additional tips to keep in mind:

• Take care of your child's skin. The tender bottom area is just as likely to get a rash due to wetness or exposure to stool now as it did when your child was an infant. Keep your toddler dry by changing regularly.
  
• Don't leave your child in soiled clothing as a toilet training method. Letting your child sit in wet or soiled underwear, training pants or diapers will only make the skin on the bottom sore and tender to passing urine, increasing the chance that your child will resist going. Help your toddler change pants quickly.
  
• Make sure to coordinate your toilet training plans with whomever is with your child during the day. It's important that your toddler receives the same message whether or not you're there.
  
• Feed your child high-fiber foods and lots of water, which will contribute to keeping your child's stool soft—making bowel movements easier to pass.
  
• Expect accidents. All parents have to cope with an occasional mess; try not to display any anger or impatience when your child has an accident.
  
• Consider your child's temperament and style of behavior. Your toddler's pace and general level of activity will dictate the potty progression.
• Think about your child's moods—at what time of day is your little one most approachable and cooperative? That's the time to introduce toilet training. If your toddler is generally shy and a bit withdrawn, successful toilet training may take more encouragement and support than if your toddler is outgoing.
  
• Work with your child's attention span—plan for distractions that will keep your child comfortable on the potty, such as a book, song, or puppet show.
  
• Don't forget to take your child's frustration level into account. Reassure your toddler that accomplishment will occur in your child's own time. Your patience and encouragement will help this process along immeasurably. Expressing your support and love in what can be a tough time is key.
  
• If you’re training a boy, have him initially sit down to urinate. If he starts out standing up, he may not understand why he has to sit down again to have a bowel movement. In time, he’ll learn to urinate standing up by watching dad.